Teenagers are normally defined in terms of their biological age and not their mental or emotional age. If so, they would come under the definition of being a child in an adults body. You look at a teenager, you see a young adult. Some teenage boys are almost six-foot in height by the time they hit their sixteenth year. Teenage girls are even harder to gauge. They may have the physical attributes of a much older woman, and worse, even talk like one, when they are least equipped to do so.
So when you hear of domestic violence tearing a family apart, and are also authoritatively informed that the kids are fine because they are already teenagers, dont be so sure. Data on teenage domestic violence contain spine-chilling tales of children who put an end to their young lives.
Teenage is a turbulent time in ones life under the most normal of circumstances. You go through emotional ups and downs as a matter of routine, not really understanding why it is that you are up or down. Even coming from normal, boring families where the most exciting event would be the lawn-mover getting stuck, teenagers go through phases, in an attempt to figure out who they are. If the family is there behind them like a rock with a light house, the turbulent teen soon finds his moorings and drops anchor. If not, he is wrecked on the treacherous rocks, after years of floundering and being blown about in tempests. A teenager really needs his or her family.
Reasons for domestic violence are many, but the effect of domestic violence on children is just onedisastrous. Smaller children, one may dare to hope, may eventually overcome the trauma, and find healing if shifted from the scene and placed in a more convivial situation. But older children are often unable to do so, and carry this monkey on their backs for a long time. Their fragile psyches are often burdened beyond endurance. The tragic fact is that they are haunted by the specter of domestic violence even long after the parents have ceased communications, and gone their separate ways.
Feelings of helplessness, fear, and guilt attain overwhelming proportions and tear the child apart. There is an established correlation between substance abuse and domestic violence. This as well as wild acts of rebellion and a lack of respect for authority are all cries for help, which are quite unintelligible to society, and taken at face-value.
These woes are often compounded if the mother decides to pursue another relationship. The child sees his or her priority in her life slipping to below zero. It is true the woman needs to live her life, but sometimes she makes a wrong choice twice. The step-father/boyfriend may be a divine creature who actually cares for the woman and her children, or he may be a devil-incarnate who abuses the children in every way he can.
If it is the second situation, there really is no hope left for them, but to either leave home and try to make it on their own. This is supported by domestic violence statistics in single parent homes. Or in the deepest of despair, and loneliness when no one seems to care whether they lived or died, they might think so too, and pursue the second option.
If you are a teenager, or younger, make sure you reach out to your parent and tell them how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Often, your parent(s) think you are actually doing fine and dont even realize your situation. Tell them in a serious manner when they are alone, or make time to be alone with them, and tell them straight up, things have to change, because you literally cannot handle things anymore.
Its okay. They are the adult. Not you. If they are not emotionally capable to handle it, then you will realize you are not alone after all, that you have each other. Ask your parent if you can help each other and change things together. Sometimes, youd be very, very surprised that they would rather hold onto you than someone who isnt their blood relative, namely, her new boyfriend or your new stepfather.
Remember this, above all, you are both in a situation that neither wants to be in. You both seriously need and truly love each other. It is very important you two find a place when you are absolutely alone and plan your next step, be together, help one another, and lean on each other for the love and affection that you both deserve.
Your place in this world will not be determined by a sick, abusive person. It will be determined by your strength to get through this situation in the most positive way you can find. You are bound for greatness. Most of us dont know that, and we walk about in life aimlessly, wondering why they are here.
Trust me when I tell you this, and I have been at my darkest hour ready to end it all, you ARE here to make a difference. You are here to be VERY successful. There are many, many people you have yet to meet that will love you like you have never been loved before.
If I told you about my life and the adversity I've gotten through, you would probably never believe me. Sometimes, I wonder why I am still here. Then I remember...because you are still here hanging in there, too.
I, personally, pray to The Lord, Jesus Christ, for strength each and every day, and every night when I go to bed. That is my personal belief. So whoever your higher power may be, pray to Him (or her) and ask for the strength, courage, and wisdom to make a beautiful difference in this world through his grace and love.
Believe it. Because You are Worth So Much More Than Youve Ever Imagined.
Big Hugs! You can do anything you set your mind to...dont ever forget that! :o)